Always Blooming

I have a tree in my little front yard. I am not sure what it is. I thought it was a dogwood when it first started blooming in late April, even though it seemed late blooming for a dogwood. As the blossoms developed completely, it was clear the flowers were not dogwood flowers even though it seemed to be cousins with the dogwood at least. It was very pretty as it began to bloom and because it is right outside my front door, I get to walk under the blossoms every time I come in and out my front door.

The problem is that the tree still has the flowers. There are two other trees in the neighborhood just like it, and examining them, I see that the petals should have fallen off by now. Instead they are just turning a little brown and the leaves that are competing for the nutrients and water seem to be more shriveled. I don’t know what to do about it, but it is clear that the turning flowers are no longer a sign of health and possibility but a sign that something is very wrong.

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Our ministries have a lot of flowers that are still hanging around. We see them on the tree and it reminds of us the good days when the blooms first started to come. We remember the first kids in Sunday School, the GAs earning their badges, the large youth group that volunteered around the building, and the list goes on. The problem is that some of these flowers are no longer blooming. They are hanging onto the tree because we just cannot let them go.

The problem arises when those flowers keep other new life from growing. We cannot develop small group ministries in homes because Sunday School is a priority. We cannot add new music or experiential aspects into worship because we have to sing the songs we sang as children. We cannot go out into the community and volunteer because we have so many leadership roles within the walls of the church. Our pastors cannot reach out to the community because they are spending so much time with those that have already been a part of the church. All the while, the flowers are still there, still hanging on and if you squint just right and look from the right angle you can see the beauty they once had, but no new growth can happen.

Just as the flowers appear for a season and a purpose, so do the ministries within our churches. We can easily see the need for the changes of season but somehow we want the same blossoms in our church all the time. There is a time for the blossoms but there is a time for green growth, there is a time for fall and the leaves to fade away, there is a time for winter and a time for rest so there can be renewal and rebirth. We cannot hang on so tightly to the flowers that we harm the tree. We cannot mistake one type of growth to be the only kind of growth.

Now…can anyone tell me what to do about my tree?

It looked better on the rack

I recently had the privilege or spending time with a few talented younger women in ministry and amongst the thousands of other things we discussed, we talked about the challenges for women moving to higher level positions. Many churches are willing to hire a female minister in the area of youth, children, or other jobs seen as entry-level jobs, especially if the position is part time. The challenge comes when female ministers are looking for their next position and it is only increased by the fact that often in higher level positions, you are competing against other women, even against your friends. The question was asked, “How, in that environment, do you create community and support for other females in ministry when you are often competing against them for jobs?”

I believe, most importantly, it would help if we each knew what our gifts were and how to present ourselves. Each of us who reads a job description, sees what we want in the words. So, obviously, it feels like we are all “competing” for the same jobs. But, what if we each knew our “specialty.” What if we knew our talents, our passion and our vision in ministry? What if we knew, as Parker Palmer states it, what it is we cannot not do? What if we could represent ourselves well, having something like a brief statement or elevator speech about our “specialty”? Then we could leave the interview, submit the resume, etc. knowing that if this was the right job for us, if it was the job we had read and dreamed about, we would get it.

I was once sharing with a former coach about how hard it was to be rejected in the dating world. It made me feel like I was not enough, or too much, or something was wrong with me if the guy decided he didn’t like me enough to pursue something more. He helped me reframe he experience with an image given to him from one of his former coaches and said, “It’s like if you go shopping. You see a sweater hanging on a rack and you really like it.  You try it on and it just doesn’t look right. You take it off and hang it back up and it still looks good, you still look good, you just weren’t a fit for each other. It looked better on the rack, as we always say. Nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with the sweater.” He went on to extend the analogy to dating. You have to “try people on” to know if they are a fit. If it doesn’t fit just right, you can hang it back on the rack, or find yourself back on the rack, and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with either of you, you just weren’t a fit together. You, as a couple, just looked better on the rack.

Since this conversation, I’ve expanded this image to applying for jobs. (which I believe is much like the dating process but I’ll save that for another blog post) When I apply for the job, I describe why I believe I would be perfect for the job. I share my experiences, my vision, my gifts, etc for the job description as I read it. If they don’t choose me, it’s because it just wasn’t a fit. There’s nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with them. I know what I look like on the rack in terms of applying for a job. I know that I have to try things on. Women know that with each item you try on, you have a better understanding of what is going to look the best, what is going to fit. It is the same with applying for jobs, with each one I get clarity about my calling, my gifts and what I’m looking for. With each person they interview, they get clarity about what qualities and experiences they are looking for.

I wrote in my last blog post about this idea of churches having a specialty and I think women must embrace this idea. They have to know what they have to offer a church, know how to communicate that clearly. If five of my friends, all women, are applying for the same job but each of us knows how to describe our gifts and strengths clearly, we are each presenting something different to the interviewers. Then we aren’t competing against each other, but the church or organization is just picking the one they know will be the best fit. It’s not that those who did not get the job are less than, it’s not that there is anything wrong with the church or organization, it just wasn’t the right fit.

What is your specialty? Do you know how to confidently present yourself in an interview process? Do you know what it is you cannot not do?

….I’ll be blogging about this more in the future but would also encourage to contact me or another coach if you are interested in developing answers to the questions.

Our Specialty Is….

A few weeks ago, I was in Atlanta for the CBF General Assembly. It was a great time to see old friends and be inspired with new visions for ministry. It was also a great time to visit Rosa Mexicano, a tasty Mexican restaurant in Atlantic Station that I love. It is not one of the order by number kind of Mexican restaurants but a fancier kind of Mexican restaurant…the “bring around the cart and make the guacamole at your table” kind of place. It also has a very large tasty gluten free menu and I may or may not have eaten there three times during the course of the week.

At Rosa Mexicano, when the waitress/waiter first comes to your table they ask if you are familiar with their menu and then always say, “We are known for a few specialties I will point out for you. Our drink specialty is our pomegranate margarita and our appetizer specialty is our guacamole which is made table side to your preferences.” Part of this is just smart business. If you order both of the specialties, you have already added around 25.00 to your food bill! I don’t know how they decided these would be their “specialties” but by drawing attention to them, it lets everyone who comes in know immediately what they consider to be the best they have to offer. It also says they are a restaurant that has become an expert at something, their specialities, setting them apart from other restaurants in a tough market.

Scientists tell us that in an eco-system where resources have become scarce, all living things become more specialized. They become more specialized in what they eat or herds with common trait all begin to live and feed in an area that is more specifically designed for their unique trait. There are not resources everywhere so their tastes change in the foods they eat. This keeps too many from one species from competing for one food or water source. It becomes their specialty, the thing that allows them to continue living.  They are not living in the same place they once were or in the same location they once were or eating once they once were.

Scientists call it the competitive exclusion principle, which states “no two species of similar requirements can long occupy the same niche (coexist).The niche of a species includes all aspects of its habitat, how it makes a living, and the physical environment in which it is found.” A study was done on a group of warbler birds that all migrate to the same forest. These birds look very similar to one another but even though they look the same, they are not competing with each other. “A careful study of the foraging behavior of these five warblers found many differences in the way they made use of the…habitat. These species differed in what part of a spruce tree they frequented, whether they captured insects on the wing, from needles, or under bark, and so on. The conclusion was that each species occupied a distinct niche.”*

When the church was a more mainstream aspect of our cultural identity, families attended on at least a semi-regular basis and there was no scarcity. Potential church members were everywhere. Today, there is a scarcity of leaders in our churches, funds to keep them open and running and a scarcity of people attending on a regular basis. So many of our churches want to find ways to get back the numbers they had in the fifties, sixties and seventies. They want to have the family and children ministries they once had that they believe drew young families to the church. They want a youth ministry, they want Bible studies, they want everything they had before but the reality is that the resources are too scarce to recreate what once was. No fancy programming, no going door-to-door, no part time position in youth and children is going to allow the church attendance numbers to go back in time.

However, this is not a discouraging word. It can be an exciting opportunity! Scarcity creates specialization. It allows us to be more precise and effective with the ministry we do. Not every church has to have every type of program. Many churches want to be like the big church in town, only smaller, but why be just like them? They’ve got that niche filled. Why not instead, monopolize on what you do have to offer?

If you are a small church, make the most of that. Whittle down the list of volunteers you are recruiting to just the essentials to keep the church running and do those essentials well. Plan events that you could only do in a small church.

Perhaps your congregation is much older. Bob Dale, a leadership guru here in Virginia, once shared the idea of starting new churches just for retired folks. We have the idea that we need young families to keep a church going, but there are always new populations of retired and older people to keep a church running. Do a ministry to those folks and do it well!

Think about your church’s location, history, special gifts of leaders and ministers. Create your specialty around that. Find new energy in doing what you do well, and do it even better!

Just like the warblers, find new ways to access resources and clearly identify what resources really need to be accessed. Just like the restaurant, find your specialty and make sure your church members know what it is. Each time they describe your church, they should be able to recite what the specialty is. They should have a clear understanding of who they are attempting to reach and what the specialty of the church is.

This is your unique chance and opportunity! Find the menu and find your specialty, find a new way of getting the bugs out of trees and what bugs you want to eat. Create your niche!

*http://www.globalchange.umich.edu/globalchange1/current/lectures/competition/competition.html

Eco-Style Leadership

A little over a year ago, as I was beginning this new job, I felt like I kept having the same conversation over and over again. Whether it was about the local church, youth ministry in the local church, leadership development, our state-wide youth events, etc. the conversation always went something like this…. “Something needs to change. We are ready for a change.” Me: “What needs changing? Do you have any new ideas?” “No. I don’t know how it needs to change, it just needs to change.” I was fresh out of a church where this cycle of conversation seemed to be the norm as well. We knew things needed to change but had no language for it, no perspective for it. We always wound up using “church” language which limited us. Church language is always steeped in the traditions of our faith. To talk about canceling a program, brings up the decades of fond memories for the group and individual memories of how important that program was for their faith development. We can’t get rid of something so important. To talk about adding something into the schedule, the language always takes us back to the same things we have always done. It didn’t work before, why would it work now? To talk about changing the way we look at our facilities means that others might trespass on our holy places. I felt like I needed a new language to help leaders process the possibilities for the future. It needed to be something natural, something everyone could easily relate to and identify with. Something that would draw people in but also something that was outside of the typical ways we talk about church. As I sat on the deck of my home brainstorming with my coach, I was gazing at this tree. It suddenly became clear to me, what if we could use nature and ecology to talk about the church and leadership? I was a science teacher and have always loved biology, so I connected with this idea. I spent intentional time talking with agricultural educators, farmers, even a peanut expert. Pardon the pun, but the connections between what we are facing in the church today and the natural ecology that surrounds us provides fertile soil for lessons and a new way of thinking and talking. I guess it’s not really new at all though, Jesus knew the importance of looking at the natural world around him to teach the people, but I hope to engage ecology in a new way for a new season of ministry. Certain entries in the blog will be devoted to this idea of eco-style leadership, including one that will follow this soon. This idea is still a work in progress but I’m looking forward to sharing my ideas and thoughts with you as we all grow together.

The Most Important Work

This past Sunday, I drove to church for worship with anxieties and doubts filling my head. Feeling called to denominational life, I worry about the future of the church. Really, I worry about the future of my job or my calling.  If I am called to lead ministry leaders, where do I fit into the future.  It is an incredibly naval gazing way to live out call and these moments are not something I’m especially proud of.

I read a lot of articles and books in my efforts to resource others and it seems to me there has been an onslaught of writers that are now proudly jumping on the bandwagons crying for change in our churches. They are proudly exclaiming to those who are still inside the church walls that they will have to change, have to close many of the church doors and reimagine them. There seems to be a new pride in their voices and they speak to something that really at this point, we all know needs to be changed. It is nothing new to say that church will have to look different in the future and it does not take a vision caster to say that the world of denominations and the Christian religion will look different in ten, twenty, fifty years. But, when I listen to a lot of these bandwagon jumpers, my stress can increase. I get worried about the future and my place in it.

Oh, I will challenge churches to think about church differently. I will challenge them to think about the possibilities outside the walls. The greatest frustration when I was pastoring was that I felt like we were too often just making decisions that would keep the doors of our church open for the members of our church the longest. I am not sure that is really living out the gospel, either.

So, on Sunday, I’m driving to church with all of my doubts about church as we know it rolling around in my head and my gut. The church I’m visiting, First Baptist of Richmond, is having work done on their sanctuary and so this was the first Sunday meeting in the gym for worship.  It is an awkward space to say the least and by the time I got there, I was sitting way in the back. I could not really see the platform.  The sound wasn’t working well in the way back and I had a moment where I felt like all those doubts that had been rolling around were just confirmed.  What was the point of this? Why was I crammed into this awkward space where I couldn’t clearly hear what was going on, couldn’t see what was happening? It was a beautiful morning, I could be worshiping God out there somewhere…getting some exercise, sitting out in the sun, etc.

And then one of the pastors got up to pray. He spoke in his prayer about coming together to do the most important work of the church, worshiping God. He prayed for the important work we would be doing that morning. That we wouldn’t be distracted and that in that time we would be reminded of just who God is in our world and in our lives. He prayed that we would feel the weight of the importance of worshiping God and that we’d feel the value of doing this most important work.

There has been some criticism from folks my age that it doesn’t seem right that we are called to be light in the world and yet we separate ourselves every Sunday morning. I once heard Patrick Johnson, a pastor from Connecticut who has done his pHd work in missional preaching, challenge that the most counter cultural thing we do, the biggest statement we make to our world, is to separate ourselves for an hour a week to worship God. To say in that time that nothing is more important.

I do think there are a lot of changes on the horizon for our modern churches and denominations but the reality will always remain that we need worship. We need spaces to separate from the world and be reminded who God is and who we are and are not. It is the most important work that we do. And in my best moments, in the moments where I don’t listen to the panicky voices or the voices of band wagon jumping “visionaries” that tell me we should close all the doors to the churches and just get over it, I know we will always need church. We will never lose the need to worship our creator. I will always have a place that I can be reminded there is a God who is worthy of worship, who is worthy of praise and who is worthy of my life and calling.

38?

Nothing like creating a blog and then going away for a week on a cruise, but that’s what I did.  This week, in the midst of trying to get back to life on land, I celebrated my birthday. My thirty-eighth birthday was Monday. This birthday and the number 38 have me reeling a little bit.  me and a shark

I’m not hunkered down under the covers, unable to face reality kind of reeling, but I had made great peace with year 37. I rocked 37, I owned 37 and I find myself struggling to embrace 38. Perhaps because it is a little too close to 40 for my own comfort. Maybe it’s because with my recent graduation, 38 snuck up on me and it is just too new.

Whatever the reason, I have been questioning myself this week. Is this really the kind of life I wanted? What would I do differently? Am I really approaching middle age? My life is flying by me and I’m not sure I’ve accomplished what I wanted to accomplish…I’m sure I’m  not the only one who finds these questions pushing them towards a mild panic attack.

It is however the very fact that I ask these questions about my life over the years that has led to pursue an intentional life. Whether it is in my ministry, my leadership, my schooling and training, or my relationships, there is very little I do without intentionality. I want to live my life on purpose. Somewhere in the middle of my own coaching and coaches training, I decided I wanted an intentional life. A life that is about saying yes to some things and no to others.  A life that is about analyzing what is working for me and what is not.

Living an intentional life is about fully living into who God created you to be.  Living an intentional life is about leading a ministry into all that God intends it to be. My hope is that this blog helps us to be intentional participants in this life and in our leadership.

A New Beginning

Really, Charity….a new blog?  Aren’t there enough of these out there already? Haven’t you tried to write regularly and failed miserably at it on other blogs?

Yes, yes, yes and yes. I guess now that I’m finished writing for my doctoral work, I just needed somewhere else to write. Or, perhaps, being a little more reflective, I’m really at a place in ministry where I have space to learn, observe, and reflect. I’m at a place personally where I can do the same.

My hope here is simple…to share what I’m learning. I want to be faithful to my own voice, my own experience, my own knowledge and even my own questions.

I’ll move over some of my articles from other blogs and the hope is that here I will be able to create categories for all of types of intentional living. This will even include some that are specific to my work at the Virginia Baptist Mission Board.

I feel really blessed these days. So, as I’m stepping into new beginnings in my life, in my ministry, I am stepping into new writing.

More to come soon……