I’m in the middle of change…which is often a hard and awkward place to be.

I’ve made some major changes for my health this year; working hard at the gym almost daily, changing my diet. And I’ve seen results. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and am enjoying health benefits like more energy and less headaches. I’ve lost 22 pounds.

The problem is that I feel like I’ve worked so hard but, because I have so much further to go, I’m easily overwhelmed. I have so much further to go that it’s hard for others to notice what I’ve already done. I feel tired form the work I’ve done and, on my not so determined days, daunted by the work that lies ahead. On those days I lose site of where I was and can only see how far I have to go. Change comes in fits and spurts sometimes and the results are not always easy to see.

Change is hard work. While going through some significant personal change at earlier stage in life,  I told my coach I felt like I was just leaping in the air, choosing the leave the ground behind me where I no longer wanted to be but not sure where I was going to land. I also knew that I still had so much work to do that it would awhile before I landed anywhere and when I landed, it would not look familiar. I was tired from the work and from all of the unfamiliar.

My coach very seriously asked, “Do you want to go back? Do you want to stop moving forward?” I quickly said, “No!” and then as I reflected longer, “I can’t go back. Knowing what’s possible now, I can’t go back. That place doesn’t really exist anymore.”

Any significant change is hard and usually takes longer than we think it will. Whether it is personal change or an organization we are leading through change, the work has been so hard but there is still so far to go that sometimes you forget where you have come from. There is nothing familiar or comfortable around, nothing settled. You’ve left so much behind but you haven’t reached your final destination, and the final destination is so far into the future, you are not even sure what it looks like or when you will reach it. You are tired.

As the instigator or leader of change, you are more aware of how far you have come. You may feel more invested in it than others because you are living and breathing it and so the change may be more obvious to you at times than it to others. It is easy to be frustrated when others don’t seem to notice, don’t thank you, don’t congratulate you. In fact, when change affects others, people will often do whatever it takes to get the system back to a normal they understand. Often people are understanding of a certain amount of change, but too much time in the in between space and they begin to panic, wanting to go back to what they know. It is the Israelites in the desert all over again; we begin dreaming of what used to be just because what is “right now” is so unfamiliar.

It is also tempting to focus on what you are not, where you haven’t grown, what hasn’t changed, to the point that you become weary under the weight of it all. Sometime the hardest work is just pushing through. Sometimes the hardest work is just not giving up. Sometimes the greatest change happens simply because we are wandering or leaping into the air, not knowing where we will end up. The leaping, the wandering, the awkward become the hard work and somewhere along the way the change happens in small increments.

Choosing to stay this unknown path, day after day, past the point where it is easy or exciting, is where the change happens.

• Ask yourself the question, “Do I/we want to go back? Do I/we want to stop? What are the implications if we stop?”
• Remind yourself of what you have accomplished, even if progress feels like watching grass grow sometimes.
• Celebrate where you have come, celebrate this awkward, in the middle place. What is great about right here?
• Stay focused on the destination. Celebrate what is to come.

Lean it to the awkward and feel the frustration, feel all of it because it is a reminder something better lies ahead, just keep working hard and dreaming.

Earlier this summer, I found myself on a whirlwind tour of historical sites when my mother came to Richmond for a visit. I explored the Civil War battlefields of Appomattox and the site of General Lee’s surrender in Appomattox Court House (Which after much confusion, I learned was the name of that area/city, not an actual courthouse. Virginia is so confusing this way) We toured the Virginia capitol building as well. It is fascinating the spin that different historical experts will put on history. For example, the capitol tour told us that it was Lee’s words to his troops after surrender that helped to bring the nation back together, but at the Museum of the Confederacy and Appomattox Court House we learned that Lee didn’t even write the words he wrote/spoke to his troops, he literally had Colonel Charles Marshall put in his ambulance and guarded so that no one would bother him and the Colonel would not come out until he’d written the remarks.

Feeling inspired by all of this history, and realizing how little I really remember, I began reading, “The Quartet: Orchestrating The Second American Revolution” that recounts the history of how we became not just the states in America but the “United States” of America. In describing the early stages of Washington’s leadership, Ellis says, “It took him more than a year to gain control over his own aggressive instincts, which nearly proved a fatal liability…Eventually he realized that a defensive strategy…was the preferred course, even though it defied every fiber of his being. His seminal strategic insight, which seems obvious in retrospect, was that he did not need to win the war. The British needed to win.  He would win by not losing….”

Sometimes you cannot fix a situation, you only endure it. Sometimes you don’t need to win, you just need to not lose.

Too many times in our lives we don’t feel it is enough to just stand our ground, we want to lodge a full on frontal assault. We must win, taking no prisoners. But in the process of the battle, we lose more than we have to give.

Sometimes we have to quiet the part of us that wants to push everyone else off of the mountain, launch ourselves to the top and shout “I’m the king of the world” with hands outstretched.

Often it is more important to quiet our pride, and know that even though it may “def[y] every fiber of our being,” it is enough to just “not lose.”

Vacation Bible School can be the best thing a church does all year long. All age groups coming together transforming the church around a particular theme, reaching out to the neighborhood, having grandchildren and those from the membership role you do not see much of throughout the year participating. For some churches, VBS is still one of the most important and well done events of the church year. But, the question I think more churches should be asking is “Should we still be doing Vacation Bible School?”

I have had two emails from different large churches near Richmond just this morning putting out desperate calls for volunteer leaders for their upcoming Vacation Bible School. As I have visited churches, I know that VBS is breaking some of our smaller churches. At one church after I had praised how great it was to see so many different volunteers helping, the childrens director lamented, “Yes, they love getting involved with VBS. I just wish I could get them to volunteer for other things throughout the year. This seems to tap out our volunteers for the year.” Others have lamented over the cost and pressure of such a production and feeling like their churches don’t have a clear purpose and understanding of why they are doing VBS.

For many of you the VBS train has already left the station for this summer. You’ve got your volunteers lined up (or at least some of them lined up) and publicity is already out. Here are some thoughts and questions though to consider this summer that can help you think ahead for the future. The best time to start asking good questions about VBS is in the middle of VBS this summer.

– Why are you doing VBS? The answer to that question should be more than, “Because we’ve always done it” or “We are Baptist, we have to do VBS.” If your purpose is to reach out to the neighborhood, how are you doing that? If your purpose is to reach families that are not connected to another church, does your attendance reflect that? If the reason you do VBS is to bring the church together in one project a year where everyone comes together, then maximize that. Plan opportunities for church members to really get to know each other. If you are continuing to do it so that grandparents have a way to connect their grandchildren to the church, then maximize on opportunities to train the grandparents for discipleship and use VBS as a launching pad for a discipleship relationship that continues.

If your desire is to reach children who are not connected to church and introduce them to Jesus, what is the best way to do that? I have seen some churches that just what to get as many decisions made during the week of VBS as possible. I feel that a better use of VBS is not to be so focused on “getting them saved” but to start a discipleship relationship with the kids. I know there are some who would disagree but what if we weren’t so concerned about the sinners’ prayer as we were about starting relationships that we can continue to foster? That is a lot harder, more time consuming and doesn’t make for an easy announcement from the pulpit but we know that people are more likely to continue to live in the faith if they are discipled, if they have a relationship with others who are mentoring them. I would argue that I’m not certain that a kid understands the decision being made during a one week Vacation Bible School. I believe we should come to see VBS be a starting point in a relationship with the child and with their families.

– Should you use youth as volunteer leaders? With the changing tides of culture, so many of our churches rely heavily on the involvement of youth leaders to make VBS work. I have seen this work incredibly well and seen youth unknowingly sabotage the work a church has put into VBS. Watch your youth critically this summer. Are they engaged with the kids or is this more about socializing with each other? Do they understand what you are asking them to do? Some youth just don’t know how to engage with children. You have to teach them how to sit among them, play games with them, jump in to help with crafts and recreation. This is true for our adult volunteers as well.

VBS can be a leadership training ground, an opportunity for youth to test their wings in leadership. But, is their wing testing hurting VBS?

– How can you change the way you do VBS to better meet the reality of your church? One church used to do a huge block party the weekend before VBS to invite the neighborhood. As adult volunteers began dwindling, they decided volunteers would be better utilized preparing and working VBS, so they stopped doing the block party. One church went to a weekend celebration of VBS because it was too difficult to get enough volunteers to come all week. One childrens’ minister searches for craft supplies at better prices online throughout the spring rather than paying so much to order it from the VBS publishing company.

You don’t have to buy everything that the VBS publishing company is selling. VBS is their big seller and so they are going to market to your church like crazy but you can make choices that allow you to make the most of your resources. What is creating the most strain on the resources of money and/or people, and how can you change VBS to adapt?

– What else could your church do instead of VBS? I am asked by smaller churches all the time about what else can they do instead of VBS. They feel like not only is it tapping all of their resources, they feel like just one of many churches doing the same thing. My reply is always, “Get Creative.” You are not going to find an alternative on the shelf of your local Christian bookstore or catalog. They make it easy to buy one box set because they make a lot of money.

Perhaps you could do a sports camp? Or an arts camp? Maybe a literacy or school skills type of camp? What if you offered a series of classes throughout the summer, parenting or cooking for example? What if you offered an intergenerational program where different age groups learning together and from each other?

Look around at what skills are already present in your church. Give people space to dream. There will always be those who want to keep doing things the same way they’ve always been done but you never know what could be birthed by dreaming new dreams. Look at what your community really needs? What do the young families and children inside and outside your church need?

I’ll be excited to hear about how some of you ask and answer these questions. My prayers are with you this summer as you minister to children and adults through VBS and seek the right future for these ministries of your church.

Vacation Bible School time is upon us. I went every summer as a kid, not only to our VBS, but to my best friends and even sometimes to my grandparents’ church. It always amazes me at how I can immediately recite the pledges we use to say in opening assembly. I remember sitting with my friends drinking Kool-Aid out of the tiniest cups and the little butter cookies you could put on your finger and eat.
The past two summers, I have traveled around the state of Virginia visiting some of our Baptist churches during their Vacation Bible Schools. Here are some of the ideas I have collected along the way that may be helpful in your planning:
* Share resources with other churches. While there are some copyright issues you want to investigate, I saw a lot of churches sharing their resources with one another, especially when it comes to decorations. One childrens’ minister said it was also helpful to spend a day visiting another church doing the same theme to see it in action. Churches shared volunteer resources as they helped each other put up and remove the decorations. Some areas have even gone to doing an area wide Vacation Bible School with other churches in the same area.

* Special Sixth Grade Class. For one church that does not include sixth graders into the youth ministry, VBS provides an opportunity to give them a view of things to come. They attend XBS (Extreme Bible School) which includes special activities and access to the youth room facilities during free time.

* Pastors Getting Involved. I saw pastors doing everything from dressing up in costume and taking on a Biblical character to doing crazy dance moves. It means so much to children and their families for the pastor to be so accessible and involved. It gives kids a great connection to the pastor as we want the kids and their families to continue in the future of the church. It is also great for connection with youth and young adults as the pastor serves along-side of them.

* Keep Connecting to Families. One church I visited states that there goal for VBS is to connect families in the community. They planned a family oriented event to be held in the weeks after VBS. As the children were leaving the week of VBS behind, the event gave the ministers a reason to contact and follow up with the parents and gave the families another opportunity to connect with the church.

*Be Organized. As a visitor, I was so impressed with churches that had walky talkies to communicate with other leaders, charts to show where each group was at all times and maps of the church. This was helpful for me as a visitor and I think would be comforting for any parent who is visiting your church. We forget sometimes that today, even in our smaller towns where we feel like we know everybody, it is a huge deal for people to trust us with their children! We need to do everything we can to show them up front that we take their child’s safety very seriously. Along these lines, think clearly about your check in and check out process. What are you doing to ensure that the right child goes home with the right parent/guardian?

* Utilize volunteer leaders from outside your church. This may not be a fit for your church but a few churches I’ve visited allow for non-church members volunteers from the community to help. I talked with one mother of three who were members of a small church in a nearby town. They loved their little church but she appreciated being able to volunteer in leadership and have her kids participate in a VBS to get a “big church” experience like she had as a kid. She said they while didn’t want to leave their small church, she sometimes she just really missed these kind of things from a big church.
What great ideas do you have for Vacation Bible School?

On Sunday nights I like to take a zumba toning class. Unlike every other Zumba class that my gym offers, it is only moderately attended and so there is room to spread out. I’m not all that coordinated and I like to minimize injury to myself and others. I just like knowing that I have space. Space to dance, space to flail, space to get it wrong and even sometimes, to get it right.

Last week this woman keep trying to take my space. Like people and their church pews, I have a spot I like to stand. It is over to the side where I can stay near my water and have mirrors around me should I decide to look and be horrified by how uncoordinated I look. I have this thing about being in the middle, really the middle of anything. But this woman, who got to class late, must have wanted the same exact spot.  Even though there was ten feet just to the left of her, she kept moving to the right, forcing me to move out of her way. Like dogs trying to show dominance, she just kept leaning in, moving over slowly and pushing me out of the way.

Too many times in life we feel that same feeling. Like we don’t have a spot of our own. Someone keeps trying to force us over because they think we have a better spot than them. They may infringe on our relationships, may take credit for our ideas, may find passive aggressive ways to put us in our place. All of this makes us feel like we need to take up less and less space. We become more and more insecure about our place in the world.

If you haven’t already seen the video of this poem, you have to watch it now. In it Lily Myers recites her poem, “Shrinking Women” and in it she describes how as women we are taught to take up less and less space in the world. She talks about how her grandmother gets more and more angular as she gets smaller and smaller while her grandfather becomes more and more round everywhere. Her brother says laughingly, “How can anyone have a relationship with food?” To wish she replies, “You have been taught to grow out, I have been taught to grow in. You learn from our father how to emit, how to produce, to roll each thought off your tongue with confidence. You used to lose your voice every other week from shouting so much. I learned to absorb. I took lessons from our mother in creating space around myself.” Her poem tells of the questions she asked in genetics class that day, each beginning with the word “sorry” and how she spent all of her meeting where they were learning about their capstone projects wondering whether she could have another piece of pizza. She talks about her mom, creeping downstairs at night to eat plain yogurt in the dark because she doesn’t feel she is worth the calories.

I realize it is not just an issue for women. We do this at work, in our relationships, in our world, we find ourselves feeling unworthy, like we should just move out of the way of everyone else. You will meet people who will try to take your space in the world. They are unsure of what space they occupy and they come for yours. Or perhaps they don’t feel their space is enough and so they begin to spread and commandeer the space of others.

You were created for a purpose. You have more than just space. You have purpose, you have love, you have gifts, you have ideas, you have life. You were created for a reason.

Stretch out once in awhile, literally and figuratively to remind yourself of just who you are. Keep taking up all of your space, keep true to who you are, keep pushing forward and don’t be afraid to push them back into their space from time to time.

And in case, you’re wondering…I did get my space back by the end of the Zumba class.

Just before Christmas, the head of my neighborhood’s HOA came by my house. They needed a quorum to vote on some major changes and bless her, she was having to go door to door because some of us were negligent in mailing the ballots back.

Of course, before she left, I got a good guilt trip about not coming to the meetings.  She started by complaining about how many years she’d been serving in leadership for the HOA at the same time she was sharing some pretty opinionated information about some of the other neighbors. All the while, trying to get me to come to the HOA meetings, wanting me to be part of this system.

The truth is, I wouldn’t necessarily mind going to the HOA meetings. I care about the neighborhood where I am investing my mortgage payments each month. I have some ideas about things we need to change but I’m not interested in being a part of what she’s invited me to. I know if I go, I will be put into leadership and it won’t be the kind of leadership I feel the organization needs. I know if I go, I will be pulled into all of the neighborhood complaints, all of the people who really have too much time on their hands and so they begin talking about each other. I will be pulled into keeping things the way they always have been, serving the way past board members have served.

Honestly, I think this is often what younger generations feel about church.

Some churches look at younger people as they walk in the door as fresh meat to serve in all of the leadership roles they’ve been serving in. There is little room to bring new ideas or new ways of getting things done. There is little room to say, “Why are we doing things this way?” “Do we really need this many leadership positions?” “Is this really the best use of our resources?”

I do understand this.  For a lot of people in our older generations, serving in these leadership roles has been the way they believe they’ve best served God. They were invited from the pulpit to use their gifts, to be good stewards, and serve in these roles. It’s probably true that in previous generations as people flocked to the church we needed as many hands on deck as possible inside the walls of the church to serve those coming in, because they were coming in.

Leaders have to understand that in order to make space for new possibilities, we have to honor the past. We have to honor the person who has been faithfully changing the sign in front of the church each week for years without complaining, we have to honor the person who has been taking attendance every Sunday morning for decades.  That is often how they have served God.

But we also have to change the culture of leadership. What is it we are inviting people to? How are we inviting them to serve? A few years ago I was asked to serve on a church committee and was told, “Don’t worry it doesn’t really require much work at all. They hardly do anything.” I, along with many others, would much rather be part of something that requires work but also has depth and meaning to the work.

Younger generations want to know what they are doing matters. So, we have to ask ourselves, does our current church leadership structure really show what matters?

I have joined the Junior League of Richmond. It is hard to move to a totally new place where you don’t know anybody when you are a grown up (even though Lorelai Gilmore once said, “You know the one thing real grownups don’t do..call themselves grownups.”) I’ve tried a lot of different avenues to meet new friends and so joining a group of women devoted to volunteering, leadership development and empowerment of women just seemed like a natural fit.

One requirement/opportunity is participation in ongoing leadership development. This year the group offered “board training,” teaching members how to serve on the boards of other non-profit organizations successfully.  The coordinator described this program by saying, “We want to equip you to serve in the community. That is our way of giving back and making a difference. We want to equip you to take the name of Junior League out to others.”

“We want to equip you to take the name of Junior League out to others…..”

When she said it, I let out one of those ministerial sounds…you know that gutteral agreement sound when something hits home or really clicks….

because church, this is what we should be doing….

We should be equipping our folks to go out and serve as leaders in the community. We should want to equip people to take the name of Christ out to others.

We should bless their going. We should know do everything we can to make a difference in the way they carry the name of Christ into the world. We should do everything we can to empower and honor their going, commission it even.

So often, we get frustrated when individuals are serving elsewhere. They just “don’t love Jesus enough” or “have their priorities straight” if they are not in church every time the doors are open. “They don’t know how powerful it can be.”

We plan more and more events inside our walls and wonder why the number of leaders are diminishing.

I heard a pastor once tell about an outreach event their church had done for families in the neighborhoods around the church, the people who were not actually coming to the church every week already and in fact did not look much like the people who did. As a part of the event, they were offering people tours of the church.

One little girl looked at the pastor with wide eyes and said with an incredulous voice, “You mean we can go inside. I didn’t think I was allowed to go inside.”

We spend so much trying to make ourselves safe and of the world but not in the world that we are never actually ever in the world.

The truth is that a lot of young people find a lot of good in the world and when we close ourselves off to the world, we close ourselves off from them.

How can we equip our children and teens to be the presence of Christ in their worlds…in their classrooms, with their teachers, on the bus, on the sports team? How do we equip our adults to serve on the boards of other organizations, bringing Christ into all of the places of the world?

How do we change the church from being a place of protection to a leadership training ground for the world?

I’ve always worked hard not to burn bridges in my ministry and leadership. It’s not necessarily that I think I will want to cross those bridges again in the future. There are some bridges I have crossed that I know, I will never want to cross again.

Sometimes you cross a bridge because have taken steps to be a healthier person, sometimes it is theological, sometimes it is just the natural progression of life that had you cross the bridge.

Sometimes there are people on the other side of those bridges that are still your friends. People you respect, people that you hope you can continue to be in relationship with. Burning the bridge only hurts you both. It is also true  that no matter how deep the chasm, people on opposite sides may find themselves on the same side again down the road.

And in a world that is constantly drawing lines in the sand, constantly yelling at each other from opposite sides of chasms, it has been important that my ministry look different. We should find ways to cross bridges without burning them.

But sometimes, there are people who burn the bridges for us. People who remain and say they can no longer stay in community with you, no longer work with you, no longer be your friend, etc. It hurts to stand on the opposite ridge and watch everything you once knew go up in flames. You know you’d never want to go back, but you thought before you crossed the bridge, there had been some level of respect and trust and now that is just ash.

Sometimes we just have to watch the flames, grieving what is lost but keep moving on. Knowing that God can take even those ashes and make something beautiful from them.

Holy One,
there is something I wanted to tell you
but there have been errands to run,
bills to pay,
arrangements to make,
meetings to attend,
friends to entertain,
washing to do…
and I forget what it is I wanted to say to you,
and mostly I forget what I’m about,
or why.
O God,
don’t forget me, please,
for the sake of Jesus Christ….

O Father in Heaven,
perhaps you’ve already heard what I wanted to tell you.
What I wanted to ask is
forgive me,
heal me,
increase my courage, please.
Renew in me a little of love and faith,
and a sense of confidence,
and a vision of what it might mean
to live as though you were real,
and I mattered,
and everyone was sister and brother.

What I wanted to ask in my blundering way is
don’t give up on me,
don’t become too sad about me,
but laugh with me,
and try again with me,
and I will with you, too.

Ted Loder, Guerrilas of Grace
As reprinted in Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadershipby Ruth Haley Barton

I recently heard a police official here in Richmond talking on the news about how his officers were getting discouraged and how moral was down.  He said, “When you have open positions that you cannot fill because of finances, but you are requiring more and more from the officers still here, it is discouraging.” He of course was being interviewed for a proposed coming increase in taxes in order to fill these positions.

But I couldn’t help but think about the church and those of us in ministry, wishing we could be this honest or perceptive. Often the fear now when someone leaves a position is whether the position will be filled or duties will be reassigned. Many churches expect the same level of planning and leadership from a dwindling staff. Staff members are expected to provide the same quality of programming with less and less dollars.  Each year, many ministers watch their job descriptions grow and grow, without any compensation because this is something they are “called” to.

As ministers and leaders the progression to being overwhelmed happens without much thought. We see a need and we meet it because we are called to do so. Or, we are conscientious and so as our boss’ give us more work, we just step up to the plate. The people I coach don’t think about whether the new demands are part of their original job, they are called to serve the church and so they are working to meet their needs.

It is kinda like that gross story about boiling frogs alive. Now, I’ve never tried this, but I hear that if you put frogs into a pot of water and just slowly raise the water temperature, they don’t recognize what’s happening and so they stay in the water until you have eventually boiled them.

Why even bring this up? Is it helpful to point out the truth that today more is required with less resources?  I have found it is incredibly helpful to take note of the water I’m in once and awhile.  It keeps me sane…it may not take any of the work from me but when I look around, I realize this is not the water I signed up for in the first place.  Maybe there is a reason I am getting heated.

It may be enough to name it but it could also be helpful to ask some good questions. What can we let go of? What can we do differently now that we have less resources? Especially if you are the pastor or leader of your church or organization, be like this police official and make sure you are paying attention to the climate of those under you. When we continue to promise and push for the same level of leadership and involvement from our ministers, while requiring more and more from them, we burn them out before they even get started.  It may have been possible for everyone to get a hospital visit every single day when the staff was bigger.  It may have been possible at one time for the staff to plan every program or event at the church while just asking for input from church members.  But is this still feasible?

For those whose job descriptions continue to get longer and longer, perhaps negotiating more salary, more vacation days or more dollars for personal development could be helpful to handle the rising temps. Again, if you are in a position of power, negotiate this on behalf of those under you. A little boost, a little encouragement, goes a long way.

If you are a church member, think about how you can encourage the leadership of your church. Perhaps offer to babysit or provide meals for them and a family if they have one during busy times of the church year. If you know your church or organization won’t be able to give even a cost of living raise, find those extra dollars for more personal development monies or offer extra vacation days. Just because ministers are called to care for others does not mean it is not your responsibility to care for them.

Paying attention to our pots, our frogs, our water can help us to find healthy ways to continue to have or to be healthy ministers and leaders.